am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
