This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
