Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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