the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Sorry about my life...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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