Porn is love you can see.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
