I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
