Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
