I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
