were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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