Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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