I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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