i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
