i think my tv is drunk
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
