Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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