New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
