Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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