Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
