and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
