I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
