you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
