i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize