MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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