Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
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