in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Life is so much better after having sex.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
