he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize