There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize