The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Shame is for Republicans.
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