Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
