Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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