He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
