I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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