He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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