i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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