if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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