guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
we're so committed to being not committed
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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