Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
