i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
