My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
