He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
