a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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