Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
