i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
