Sry I called you an 8
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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