Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
