i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
