i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize