Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
