i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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