Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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