I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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