Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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