Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The adults are the big ones right?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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