Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
