I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
