Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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