She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
This is my gift to your gina
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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