Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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