remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
