Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
