I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
