If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
