we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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