I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
